To The Guy Who Wouldn’t Walk Me Home
Dear Guy Who Wouldn’t Walk Me Home At 2am:
I’ve been trying to find a way to write this without it coming off like an attack or rant, and I will do my best to consider your side of the story too…But, seriously? Where’s your mentchlikiet? Or do you not have any? I realize that you take ‘modesty’ very seriously. I take it seriously too. I believe there is a time and place for everything, and there are boundaries that must be upheld and respected. Yet, I cannot for the life of me understand why you thought it to be appropriate to spend all night talking to me, and then openly refuse to walk me home at two o’clock in the morning on a Friday night?
I assume that you take mentchlikiet seriously as well. You do your best to look presentable, you dress well, you don’t slouch. But, that’s only part of the deal. Mentchlikiet isn’t just about looking the part. You have to act the part as well. As ‘they’ say: Frumkiet without mentchlikiet is not yiddishkiet. I know you consider yourself to be quite the catch, but you seem to be lacking an important quality. You’re standards are pretty high, you dress the part of a Chasid, and I’m sure you behave like one too, at least some of the time. I have things to work on too, nobody’s perfect, I get it. I do not think that ‘modesty’ should become an excuse for not being a considerate and kind human being. Being kind, respectful and honest is just as much an important part of being a ‘modest mentch’ as it is to dress appropriately and keep your words clean.
Your excuse was fantastic. “I’m not ready to leave yet.” I get it. You were under pressure, and I’ll bet the fact that everyone was watching you, waiting to see how you respond didn’t help. I know why you didn’t offer to walk me home: It’s immodest for a single man to walk a single girl home so late at night. Seriously now? At 2am, put your pride aside and walk a girl home. It doesn’t make you more of a ‘man’ it just makes you more of a jerk. When I spoke to my friends about it later that week, some of them told me that they agreed with you, because it would not have been tznius (modest) for you to walk me home. Since when has modesty become an excuse to act like a jerk?
What’s the real problem here? Are you worried about being immodest, or are you simply buying into how people will perceive you for the act? I’m sure you were worried about seeing someone on the street, and the reactions they would most likely have. You were probably worried about your squeaky clean reputation. If anything, I’m pretty sure your decision to let me walk home alone made a nice little dent in that reputation of yours. Being a jerk isn’t cool, and it won’t make girls like you more (at least, not this girl).
I don’t mean to sound harsh, I just want you to try to understand. I’m sure I’m not the only girl you’ve done this to. It’s probably quite typical for you. You’re probably the type of guy to make a girl find her own way home after a date, or the type to bail on her at the last-minute because there’s a sports game on TV. All I’m asking is that you take your actions into consideration. Be a mentch. Be a gentlemen. Girls like that. The whole idea that girls like bad boys that are going to consistently screw them over is false and heinous. We like to be treated with respect, as I am sure you do as well. Being a jerk is overrated.
Next time a situation such as this one arises, be a mentch.
Respect is not overrated.
The Shattered Illusions reading and book signing is next month! Save the date folks! It’s coming, and it’s coming fast!