The First Live Discussion of Shattered Illusions
First and foremost: thank you to all of those who tuned in for the live discussion of Shattered Illusions today! It was so much fun to do and I can’t wait for the next one!
I tried finding an excerpt today during the discussion and my phone decided not to participate! Here is the excerpt in which Ella comes home from visiting her mother. She had just learned about the nature of her mothers illness and is about to witness Sam’s murder.
“I had just come home from seeing my mother. I felt as though my entire world had ended. Her “confession” should not have shocked me; I realized long ago that my mother was ill and there was no way to save her. However, I did not realize how much of a toll it would take on me to hear the words come from her lips.
I felt sorry for myself and for the discovery I had pushed for. I should have left it alone and allowed everything to continue as it always had. Why did I need to bring her back into my life? My only sanctuary was the rooftop. I climbed the steps in a haze of frustration and exhaustion. I felt my body caving in beneath me as I raced towards the top, as if my life depended on the speed of my climb. When I got there, I did not stop to catch my breath but ran for the edge of the roof as if preparing to leap off and fall to my death. Not that I hadn’t considered that option—I had, several times. That is a confession that I am not sure I should be making to you or anyone else. Religion, as I am coming to learn, does not put a bubble around the fact that I am a human being. In my naive youth, I had always be- lieved that the fact that I was religious would prevent me from feeling human, save me from addiction, rebellion, anger, hate. I was wrong. Though my con- nection to, and depth of, religion have never been stronger than they are today, at this very moment, as I sign the papers claiming responsibility for what I wit- nessed, delusional or not, I know that I am not pardoned from human will and the mistakes it makes.
I leaned over the edge, waiting for a breeze to caress my face or bolt of lightning to strike me. I wanted to feel something real, something beyond the pain I was feeling. I wanted to be happy.”
You can watch the whole discussion on my YouTube channel (or at the link below!)
Thank you all so much!
Stay tuned for more excitement coming soon!