It’s All Good
I am a pessimistic person by nature….More like, I was a pessimistic person.Though I am chirpy, friendly, bubbly and very loud, the negative side of life tends to take over whenever the going gets tough. It’s very difficult for me switch gears from negative to positive, but it is something that I have come to learn how to do in the past year and a half. I have learned that life comes at you no matter how you handle it, so it might as well be enjoyed rather than dreaded.
On the evening that I found out Shattered Illusions would be published, I spent two and a half hours trying to breathe normally, which only caused my head to hurt and my ankles to swell (don’t ask). Every conversation that I had with my editor or publisher after that followed with a night of migraines and several dizzy spells. The anxiety of such a HUGE life event usually sent me spiraling out of control with negative thoughts. The amount of “What Ifs” I have thought over the past year are enough to write a book about. Yet, here I am, on the threshold of publication, with an entirely new perspective on life.
This morning, I was casually flipping through the proof copy of Shattered Illusions when I found a HUGE mistake staring me in the face. I immediately sent my editor an email, all the while inhaling and exhaling loudly for the entire neighborhood to hear. I then proceeded to send my editor a box of chocolates (I’ve been really driving him nuts lately). Following that, I spent the day in the city with a friend, trying not to think about the huge boo-boo that the printers made with my baby; my first novel. I kept myself calm just long enough to see the major HP (Hashgocha Pratis, also known as Divine Providence) of the situation. Nothing ever goes according to plan. We plan, and G-d Almighty sits up above and laughs his face (face? Does G-d have a face? That’s a topic for later discussion) off. As mere humans, we do not have the right to ‘know’ anything. We think we know everything, but we’re terribly, terribly wrong. We must learn to accept that there are things in our lives that we cannot control. Truthfully, we cannot control anything. Period. We believe we hold the reigns of our futures, but such is not the case. So, I embraced the fact that everything that was happening, including the big boo-boo to the book, was in G-d’s hands and was meant to happen for reasons that I could not understand, and continued onwards with my day.
See, a year ago, I would have emailed my editor, then proceeded to cry (on the floor, mind you), like a baby, wailing and screaming about the horror of it all. I cannot tell you how many times I had partaken in exactly such an act of immaturity. But, it was the only way I knew how to handle…anything. My sister’s wedding, moving to New York, writing the actual book…every major life event followed with a freak out of some kind. I ‘know’ that G-d controls the world and it is therefore out of my hands, but it’s hard to remember that when you’re in the thick of things.
I’m in the thick of things. I am about 20 odd days away from releasing my novel, and proceeding on the longest road of self publicity ever. Book signings and events are forthcoming, all of which I am juggling with about a million other things. But, there is no need to worry. There is no need to freak out, scream, cry or pout. It’s all good. It’s all in G-d’s hands and everything will work out. I am smack dab in the middle of my biggest achievement yet. Such an occasion should be greeted with joy, not with anxiety or stress. Crappy things happen. But, beautiful things also happen. Giving power to the crappy things will only give room for more garbage to come piling into my life. Embracing the beauty of the sticky situations is where the real inspiration is born.
….Now that I’ve publicly ‘talked to myself’ about how everything is all good, perhaps I will continue to believe it even when things do not go my way. But, it’s not my way that things ‘need’ to go. Things will go according to the way that G-d has planned them. We are merely actors on a stage in this world, and the tests that we are given as such should be handled with poise and confidence, not with fear and foolishness.
Cheers to finding the good in everything big, small and in between.