Goodbyes have always been difficult for me. I am not one for change. I usually avoid dealing with new things, I shy away from the fear of trying something new and hide under my blanket, thinking that the worries of the world cannot find me under my duvet. And yet, here I am, on the threshold of a new life, and I find myself willingly embracing the changes rather than running in the opposite direction. Maybe it means that I am growing up, maybe it means that I am just learning to handle things better. Whatever it is, it’s strange.
My sister and brother in law left on the final leg of their journey to Israel today. They have practically been nomads since the wedding and now, they are off to begin their new life in Israel. I’ve been anticipating this departure for almost 5 months. Scarier than all the other changes was embracing the fact that I was going to be living across an ocean from my womb mate. And so, I didn’t embrace it. I ignored it. I pretended that nothing was going to change, that everything would stay in the same place. Whenever the topic of their impending departure approached, I changed the submit. Until today, even after not seeing them for several weeks, it had not hit me that they were leaving the country. We’ve been never apart from each other for more than a month. So, I’ve stayed in the same mindset- Nothing is going to change, the world will forever cater to my timing….how naive, and yet, how true of all humanity. It is not a simple task to embrace change with love. It is not easy to accept difficulty with a warm heart. It is easier to live as you know.
But life is a constant- things are always changing, people are forever moving from place to place. You can stand still, but that does not mean that time will stay still with you. It’ll keep moving. So, you can choose to stand still and watch life whip by, or you can embrace the changes, as hard as they are, and grow with them. It will be a growing experience like no other.
And in the meantime, I continue tackling this “monster” of a manuscript….another important part of my life that I will soon part with. Eventually, I will have to let myself go, give the stamp of approval, and let it go to print…and that’s when the real test of growth will begin. Will I hide under my bed shivering with fear, or will I step out in the light of day and stand tall in the face of change?