A Random Burst of Ideas

There are so many things I can say right now, but none of them make sense, and even if they do make sense, when I try to write them down they come out stupid. So. Maybe I won’t say anything? I’ll write on and on,
forever and never actually say anything. It’s possible, I mean, pick up any random paper back from an airport and there you have it: A full book that doesn’t actually SAY anything, it’s doesn’t have any substance or meaning, it’s just a whole bunch of empty words writen down, forming sentences, a plot, a story, but never actually saying anything. And maybe that’s what I’ll do. I’ll say everything I need to say without actually saying anything.
But, I want to be a real novelist, I want to have something to say, something real. So, shouldn’t I start with my own life? I mean, after all, this is a story, isn’t it? And everything I say in here in 100% percent real…. at least, I think it is. There are some things that I think all people try to block out of their lives, they try and pretend that certaint hings never happened, so that maybe one day they’ll truly believe so, and in turn the rest of the world will go on never knowing… The eyes only see what the mind is willing to accept. And that’s also true in the aspect that the mind only comprehends what the hearts allows it to, or what the brain itself does not block out. We condition ourselves.
We condition everything; our thoughts, our surroundings, our emotions, EVERYTHING. And the scary part is that it’s mostly on a subconscious level, we’re doing all of this without being fully aware of it.
So. I’m technically doing it right now… pushing everything out of my mind, trying to figure out a way to make my reality happier and glory filled. If I condition myself to believe something instead of the truth because I think it’ll make me happier, than why not… right?
But, instead of honesty, I bend my world around a little bit to believe something that will make me happier…does that technically make it okay? Because, I am going to benefit from bending things around a little bit. So, then I start pretending that everything is all nice and dandy, putting a picture in my head that never actually happened, and suddenly I believe the picture, it starts to make sense. It’s like getting nostalgic about things that sucked the first time around. You wish that things could have been different, so you tweak them a bit to make them fit in your world a little bit…
And then all of a sudden, all of the things that happened to you in life that you wish you could change, have changed. Your memories are happier, you’re a different person. But, that doesn’t really make it okay, does it?
Living in an alternate reality instead of facing what’s in front of you.
So, how do you stop?
Can you stop?
….. I don’t think so.
So. Can I be the one to stop this? To enter a world where I control my mind to STOP trying to find a way out?
…What a strange new world it is indeed.

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