Procrastination is My Muse :)

I am in a very thoughtful mood this evening
and the fact that I cannot listen to music doesn’t really help the creative flow.
For once in my life, I have to think for myself without other creative voices influencing me.
The silence is deafening…
ahhhh sfirah music…doesn’t really help much.
The irony is overwhelming…
No Music…it mirrors the dry spell I’ve had since I returned here.
it’s only been a week since I returned to my home in Huntington Beach
( notice I am said home and not house…. it IS my home if I am okay with it or not)
I am just going on with life… working as hard as I can to reach June 18
June 18
I have been very thoughtful since we came back.
Did I make an impression?
Will any of the people I met ever think about me again?
Were we only friends because the circumstances allowed it?
What would happen if I ever saw these people again?
If I ever saw any of these people walking down the street, would they stop and say hello?
How are you?
Were the feelings as temporary as I imagine them to be?
Have I gone back to being invisible again?
I must not think this much…

On another note:
I ran into a very good friend of my mine today.
We haven’t really been in touch.
She got married.
She was swept up with the current of young love
and I am still here, waiting to be redemed from my helpless teenage state.
ahh to be young and in love.
While all of my friends are off finding themselves passionately in love, I am waiting very patiently for the right moment…that shouldn’t be for another 4 years or so, but it’s okay.

I know I seem to just be babbling here, and it doesn’t really look like I have a point.
Allow me to let you in on a little secret:
There is no point.
This is just one of those nights where I have REALLY bad writers block, and I’ve decided to just say whatever comes to mind first.
Although it seems as if I have not achieved anything by speaking my mind tonight,believe me, it has done a great deal to my endless procrastination… I was never a procrastinator until this past weekend….and it has brought endless joy into my life!
I kind of like this whole procrastination as my muse thing. πŸ™‚
Now, instead of BSing a very important AP paper ( 6 papers, single spaced on One Art by Elizabeth Bishop)
I have taken out all of my emotions here… and it feels pretty good
Trust me, once I can listen to normal music again, the creative flow will come back.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing…the fact that I have lost my creative flow without music…
does that mean I cannot think for myself?…. I wonder..
Lets make it a date: Lag B’Omer, the music returns, and so will the creative flow
Now, do excuse me while I go debate on how to write this Ap paper… πŸ™‚