A Search For What’s Right in Front of Me
This week has been one huge reality check.
Everything that has occured has lead me to understand who I really am…
and that people may not like who I am, but that it’s really okay… I am not here to impress anyone.
I also realized that I will not always be welcome in certain areas or conversations.
And that I still have a long road ahead before I could call myself “complete…” whatever that means.
Everything that has happened has lead me to another open door… or a closed one.
Either way, I ended up faced with problems that I didn’t want to face.
I tried to get back into my “happy vibe” phase that I had way back when as freshman… it all seems to childish to me now.
I feel like theres a much more mature way to be happy then to wait for things to just drop into my lap.
The whole idea of “asking the universe for my happiness” seems so foolish.
it worked the first time around, didn’t it? I mean, I can say with some authority that I was pretty happy for the longest time I’d ever been…. but I went back and attempted to redeem myself through the same method… it didn’t work. I guess, now that I have grown and matured and been through more… I need something else.
One thing hasn’t changed though.. I still need a lot of attention. 🙂
I am on a mission to find myself again. And by finding myself, I mean in a spirtual sense, as I am definetly lacking my zeal and excitment for Chassidus 😦 and also, I mean finding a way to be happy that makes ME happy..I need to start thinking about myself more. Sounds selfish, but I can’t honestly live my entire life to please others, if in the end I am still stuck and unhappy.
So… I am off to Find myself again… I’ll let you know when I find the missing pieces