Life Without Training Wheels

I’ve been riding on my own for quite sometime now… sort of.
Although I feel like I’m riding all by myself, no one can help me, I am on my own two wheels…
I crash land
How Ironic
You tell someone you don’t need help, and they walk away,only for you to call crying out to them from the thorny bush in which you suddenly find youself.
I don’t know which role I play: The bystander or the one stuck in the bush
I think I might be both

I can think for myself
Act on my own account
And I don’t need your help
Until I do too much damage
Can you come help me pick up all the pieces of my suddenly shattered life?

And then

I am the one who picks up the pieces time and time again, helping those who can’t help themselves

The past six weeks of school have led me to several conclusions, none less confusing than this one.

I am the bystander who wants to help but doesn’t know how.
I got rid of my training wheels differently than everyone else
And when they fall into a bush, they don’t want to hear my words of advice
They want me to tell them that they are doing a good job… as they pull me down to feel the thorns
Thanks a lot.

And then I am the one stuck in the bushes due to the fact that I tried to help and than the one stuck in the bush pulled me under

Making sense yet?

I am under the influence
Of people
who don’t know how to help themselves
so
how
can
they
help
me
?

Today, from the minute I walked in until I walked out, my mind was going off like a siren
I am going off a cliff here people
without training wheels
Without ANY wheels
Just off
Walking blindly
because I got off my safe gaurd to go help those in need
Who didn’t need help
but someone to drag down with them to make the pain less noticable

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I must have known all along what I was doing to myself
That goes without saying
But how do I get out of it?
Because now we’re friends
really good friends
I’m a shoulder to cry on
I like pleasing people
and doing nice things
I can’t confront you, because theres nothing to say.
You didn’t even do anything wrong really…
I was just pulled into the wrong bush

This is life without training wheels
It doesn’t seem like so much fun anymore
I want to go back to simpler times

Isn’t ironic, that I used to cry at nights because I didn’t have friends
and now I spend my nights wishing there was a way out of this mess
I wish I could help without involving myself
and without dragging myself down
to a place I shouldn’t be.
Because although it seems okay… it’s really not.
And the quiet is deafening

I feel the same way I did on Saturday Night
Enter: Troy Bolton ( Really, I can’t refer to him as ” Zak Efron” here, because it’s the character, not the real person)
“Voices in my head tell me they know best.”
Thank you Troy, for cutting it out so nicely for us 🙂

I need to find a way to get out of the bushes
back on my bike
and as far away as possible as I can get to be be above it all.

Beyond the dramatic lifestyles of the average high school student… I feel like I’m on the set of Gossip Girl
ugh
Get me out of this…
Pretty Please…

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