Oy

Hate is not a feeling that I feel very often.
It is not something that I like to feel.
It is such an ugly emotion,
Hate.
Yuck.

But at this point in my life, after everything that has unfolded the past couple of days, I hate myself.
I hate who I am, and what I stand for. I hate the words that come out of my mouth and how I can’t seem to make anything right no matter what I do to change.
I hate that I let my friends down, and that I can hurt so easily.

I cannot believe who I am. I am scared of myself, and what my mind is allowing me to become.
I am afraid of what I have said, and who I have hurt,
No matter how I try to look at my life, something is wrong.
I am wrong for thinking
or speaking
or loving
or crying
Everything is wrong.
I cannot allow myself to continue this way.
I don’t want to hate myself, but right now it seems like the only option left.

Oy
Life is weird.

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