The Beginning Of The End
Its a funny thing, frienship. My friends are my backbone. My life has been filled Baruch Hashem with beautiful people, and amazing friends.
For the the past two years, I have had one friend who has been there for me endlessly. I was never afraid to talk about anything with them. It was as if Hashem had sent them to me to show me that I would turn out okay, no matter what the world brings. Though we were not together often, they always seemed to be there for me, even if they were so far away.
When I first stepped into this friendship, I wasn’t sure what to expect. My friend was many years older than me, and I didnt want them to feel like they were being weighed down by me. I didn’t want the age difference to make a difference. I wanted an equal and fair frienship. I got even more than that. Someone who was willing to listen and understand, and not judge me because I was only still a young child. It didnt seem to bother them.
Still for some reason, every time I was with this friend, I always felt a bit strange, as if something wasn’t right. Sometimes, after talking to them for hours, and after letting them into my world, I would sit and cry. Why had I been so stupid? No one else knows that, why should they? This isn’t right, it isn’t okay!
Night after night,I would beat myself up for opening up to them the way that I did. Day after day, they would reassure me that they actually LIKED talking to me and that NO I was not waisting their time and NO I am not a parasite, or a bother because I was younger. But I just had to keep reassuring myself that.
After being so kept and closed for so long, it is hard to break open the shell around you. The shell that I had built around myself was somehow easily cracked whenever I was around them.
In the two years that I spent with this person, my world was renewed. I was able to break free of my insecure shell and open myself up the world. The support that I had from my friend made it all the more easy to come back to this world a happy person.
I grew a lot in that time.
I grew more than I ever thought possible.
I became a new, free person.
And I had my friend there to hold my hand as I stepped back into the world.
Soon enough, I did not need someone to hold my hand every step of the way.
It was time for me to fly away to my own life.
It was the beginning of a new life for me, but the end of a long road to recovery with a beautiful person.
Hashem sent me this person for that period of time. He sent them to guide me and help me feel like a someone understood. They became like an older sibling to me.
But we grew a part. I went off into my new life, and they went off into theirs.
This year was the beginning of the end for us.
I suddenly realized that my friend needed space from me. So I gave it to them.
Lots and lots of space.
We hardly talk. Its as if we don’t know each other anymore.
But even though we have grown a part, this person is someone who made such a massive impression in my life, that they can’t be forgotten over night.
They helped me grow to be a better person
and that is not something that is easily forgotten.
It seems has if Hashem likes to do that to me. Send me angels to guide me in my life, until I am ready to fly free on my own. And then send me another one for the things I still am so blind to.
I just hope that whoever steps into my life next will leave just as big as a imprint on my life as the last did.
So maybe it’s the end of one chapter of my life.