Longing for Change

Dear G-d

I am longing endlessly for change.
I want this change to come
and take me away
help me start a new, fresh me
I want to change myself.
I have already begun to change myself spirtually
But what about physically?
I dont think any teenage girl with low confidence issues wants to stay with these low feelings. At all. Ever.
Sometimes phyical confidence can boost emotional confidence.
If outside I see a beautiful person, a happy smiling person
Maybe on the inside I will begin to feel the same.
There is a road block in my change for the better.
Hair loss. My road block on my journey is the fact that I have lost most of my hair
due to whatever reason there is.
Endles visits to doctors and healers have gotten me nowhere
Except for MORE hairloss.
Its low iron, its stress, its the way you think, its your thyroid, its emotional, its physical
Something is just wrong.
But not one person can figure it out.
So, in order to make it stop falling out, my road for change is blocked.
Because every thing I do might make this loss worse.
So, I can’t do anything to change myself, because it may cause my hair to fall out more.
I am sure.
Do you know how it feels to wake up every day to a lost hairline?
Or yellow teeth
or glasses that hide the beauty of my eyes.
I dont think so.
Stupid teenager syndrome
Its driving me nuts!
I dont want to look back at myself in 10 or 20 years and see an ugly face
I want to see beauty
Why can’t I see the beauty within, without having to see it physically?
Am I the only one?
Probably not
There have to be another 50 Billion Teenage Girls (and boys too)
who feel exactly as I do.

I want this change
I dont want to wait until I am out of High School for it.
I always thought that High School would be a time of freedom and fun and BEAUTY
And here I am
In a dead car.
I am in a dead car, in the middle of a busy, hurrying freeway
Everyone else has a goal and they can reach it.
Only I am stuck
I am stuck and no one can help me
I have to be able to help myself
There is nothing that anyone can do to unstick me
I have to un stick myself from this sticky situation called Low Self Confidence
But, it would be nice to get a little help from you G-d
Dont you think that MAYBE just MAYBE you could help me unstick my dear car from this freeway?
Maybe start my battery or get someone to pull over and jump start my car.
That would be nice.
Because frankly, I am getting a little bit bored in my dead car.
My Radio doesnt work either.
So, if you can’t help me unstick my car, at least let the radio work or something!
For Me
Your creation who you keep in this world.
Shouldn’t I have the happiness too?
I mean its there, 2 miles away from me.
But my car is dead!
Do you want me to walk?
Should I walk 2 miles on a busy freeway to achieve my goal of reaching happiness in and out?

Hmm… I never thought of it that way.
Maybe I’ll try walking
Here goes Nothing

Your truly

Happy Vibes